We are all entitled to have slip-ups. It happens to so many people, so try not to be so hard on yourself for it.

I understand about the need to do it to prove something. Sometimes, I still think about doing it just because it feels like I need to prove to myself that I don't need it, and doing it once more without it meaning a thing will prove it (I don't know the logic in that, but that's basically how I feel about it).

Are you seeing any type of counselor or therapist?