This is kind of a long story. And I haven't posted here before so i'll completely understand if no one replies.

I've been struggling really really really bad with suicidal thoughts and impulses for a really long time, almost a year. I've been self harming over the past month or two, and self harm is not a usual behaviour for me, but it is getting worse now, and happening every day. T has been amazing any time ive been going through suicidal blips. It usually lasts a month, two months, maybe longer, but eventually passes. Well... now, it's just getting worse... and not passing... and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. So one thing that helps me is being able to see T. Gives me days to count down till.. and.. T has been great, when I've needed emergency appointments, T has given me time, as much as possible. Well.. this morning, T had to reschedule. She's given me an appt time for tomorrow morning.

I've been feeling like a burden, feeling worthless, insignificant, and just... horrible, for a while. Its been pretty bad. With today's incident, of T having to reschedule, I feel like i've gone off the deep end, because my feelings of worthlessness and being a burden have just.. escalated to new heights. And.. I know I'm kind of overreacting, but I can't help it. I just feel so unwanted and unimportant. And I feel like self harming way worse than ever.