No, not that I remember, but that's not to say it didn't happen. I'm okay if he was frustrated with me, I can be frustrating. He was frustrating, and I was frustrated with him and myself. There was alot of frustration going around. Either way, I know he cared. For the last months, it didn't feel that way, but as a whole, it did. I try to hold on to that, although it is difficult at times, like now, I feel 'iffy' about it.

I am working through this with my new therapist. I suspect that I was able to make progress with this due to the fact that I sat in session last time and felt massive shame, shame that I thought was anxiety in the waiting room. But it felt like shame when it was triggered, and I think that it is the shame that surrounds my 'neediness'. I say this because I hadn't felt this way before with the new T, and he had just gotten back from vacation. I think feeling this, and having my newT sit with me and help me understand what was going on, helped me work through this. I said I did this myself, because I want it to be know that I did the work. I went to session and didn't just sit there, I sat with my shame, and I went home and worked through some things about the termination. For some reason, when the candidate therapist called and told me that if I was going to work with him, that I was going to work between session and not just go and sit there, it REALLY stuck in my craw. That's not who I am, and it's not what I did. Anyway, I am really tired right now, I have a massive headache, and I feel pain and anger when I talk about this now. Working through things, I guess, doesn't mean that the feelings go away. I wonder if I am even going to make it until I get my CPAP machine, I can feel the nerve endings in my hands and feet, my brain hurts, and my internal organs hurt. I think I will feel better mentally when I can feel better physically. I am afraid, though, to fall asleep now. Just having a bad night