What has helped you to resist the urge to cut in the past few months? I love how special your relationship with God is, and that may be able to help keep you grounded and in the present. For right now, it sounds like your emotions and thoughts are running high, and I think it may really help to shower (if you feel like you are physically able), make some tea, and try to fall asleep. Sleeping some of the tension off may help pause the pain you are feeling and give your mind/body some relief.