I guess I'll dive right in and describe what I see in my head and how I feel:
Well for the most part the fantasies in my head are about being taken to a disclosed location and being gang banged by a bunch of men, being made their submissive/slave, calling them master or sir. But what really sticks out in the fantasies is what happens when I don't comply, being punished. I actually want to in real life be punished, I want to be smacked until my rear end is red, I want to be whipped or flogged until I can't sit down for a week, for some odd reason this is a big turn on for me, and I am thinking I am mentally ill for it. I am not sure if this stems from being raped when I was younger or not, but I am really confused and conflicted as to whether or not this is normal or if this had a deeper meaning like in my subconscious or something.
Can anyone help me understand? Any help is appreciated, thank you.