Thank you all so much. I did stop myself from acting on the impulses. I didn't self harm yesterday at all.

Critterlady - yeah, she knows about all the feelings of worthlessness and being a burden and stuff. we're working on it. thank you so much for what you said. i wish i could believe it too. but it feels like so far from the truth.

thanks likelife. i will definitely atleast ask today, what happened. Cause i need to know if it was me. if i was forgotten.

nightlight - thank you. I did resist, and i didn't think i'd be able to make it through last night without self harming, but i did. it really does feel impossible that things will get better. and i HAVE lost sight of hope, and have for a really long time.

To make matters worse... my amazing T is going away for about 6-8 mths on mat leave at the end of the month. That's just making everything so much worse.