I had about 18 months "clean" of b/p (with the occasional screw ups) but officially relapsed in early October. I feel stupid complaining because I was the one who chose to go back to it... I made my bed and now it's time I lie in it, right?

I just hate binging. If I could just restrict and purge and do everything else without the binging that would be perfectly fine with me. It's that loss of self-control that I just can't stand. I do try to limit what I eat but now it's the Christmas season so food is everywhere. Well, food is everywhere in Europe, but now it's especially everywhere.

I have always thought that if I could just take nutrition supplements and vitamins all the time that would keep me at a healthy weight and never eat again, I would totally do it. Because I can't eat in moderation like a "normal" person. I love food too much -- which is why I hate it! I can never control myself!