Have you ever noticed, James, that no matter how good things are going, there is always something underlying... cheapening it almost? It makes me want to break down a lot of times.. I can try really hard to not notice it and to forget it but it's always there when I look. It catches my stare and I can't look away for some time.

I wanted to share this with you cuz I think you would understand... it's there that I feel the same way that you describe. I stay there when I get too tired, when I need to rest. the only times I am not there is when I am too damn busy to notice. I too live in a fantasy to where I can "change" my perspective when I need to, out of survival... sorry if I got you wrong but I don't think that I do.

Just needed to share with someone who might understand and that I might understand. tell me if I'm wrong though, sorry if I am.