I hate writing about my depression here, you all have your own, who needs to hear mine.

I went a good time without anything severe. Spent a good time worrying about it returning, but it didn't. Until now, it's settling down in me, it plans to stay for awhile.

I'm faking holiday cheer for the sake of my 11 yr old baby boy. He's so excited about the holidays. We got a tree but I can't muster up enough cheer to actually put it up and decorate. I have such mixed feelings about faking it, but think it's for my son's best interest. Hopefully I'll be able to continue to do so.

I miss my older son so much, he's been at the rehab for 2 weeks, 2 more to go. That's all I can write about it right now, I'm at work and will start crying.

Work is horrible, I'm really struggling. There's no quitting when I own the thing and everyone is counting on me.

I'm in the lamest most stagnant boring blah relationship ever. Yet I stay. I feel so stuck because I need his help with things. He is a good stable influence on my youngest son. My ex gf / lover told me that when I get ok with being alone, I will be able to leave him. She is mostly right, but she also has an ex H who gives her child support and a mother, father, brother who all help her with her 1 child. I already am alone.

Ugh. Leaving work now, so that I can cry in peace.