Major kudos to you, Heni, for using this place to vent & developing that willpower ... I'm watching it happen. I lost my baby so deeply relate to your hubby's cousin's lost. Your sister, BF's mom, MIL--obviously many lean on you for support & you try to be there for them. Gently, aim them at other support systems of their own: You need to be able to focus primarily on your needs.
You are doing a commendable job. How many days' sobriety are you on now? Keep count.
Roadie