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Any reminder of the past, certain past topics, really big one for me at moment is jobs, college and what are you doing with your life, Stupid stuff really to get so emotional over even though these things significantly affect your life on a daily bases so with that in mind, actually it's not so stupid to get so worked up over or upset over it is a big thing for me as I am sure these subjects are for many people.
That idiot (person in my reality, the only one I sometimes have contact with) Sure sure all is ok because you have got life sorted now, all of a sudden anything thing in life can happen and now you have hope. You wasn’t so much like that when you life wasn’t going as planned, you overlook that.... not bitter towards you what so ever,, clearly I am... yer this is where bad MIP shows through. Ok so you replied back to me for once however you think you have but if a less heart felt response is enough to keep me going or think I depend on your every beck and call your so wrong,, I am so hurt you think I am that pathetic and so hurt you think you're good you have, or are the reason, saved me, you are so wrong, your just a human I sometimes contact that I know actually exists ... you make me laugh the facade we both go through together.... no this just bad MIP again you probably did love me in a sense nothing serious still all young here but I was just me, right.... the shadow that I am going along with life in hope that you fake it you make it, right... but I have a conscious a hopeless bad one but it's there,, there was no way even though I wanted to love you that I could and I felt nothing but announce at how I couldn't feel or make things go the way I wanted them to. Which probably cause all the problem’s and the way you were then with me as you are know, I am not easy to love, let alone to talk sense to at times right. However you hardly ever allowed me to have a friend, which you should have been all that time, yet you still expected to just be able to love you but that was the past, as you still can’t just be my friend now can you but you never were, if you think you were you’re a rubbish one or were at least with me… no no what am I saying this just all bad MIP again no one in my reality is ever that bad or anything it’s all me.
I just don’t know how to be around other people or interact with them without causing problems hurt or making that interaction a bad one. I guess I am like a baby just finding their feet asto life and how you are meant to do things yet I have the knowledge and should know by now how to be a human in the background in life just like the next stranger you come across but something is faulty with me which mess everything up each time no matter how much knowledge or learning I just can’t be human and live a life.
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