Skitty Kitty,
I looked over some of your posts before I answered this because I'm fairly new and don't know too many people. You are far to young to let go. It sounds like you are an artist and I'll bet you are very sensitive not only to things that happen to you, but also things that happen to others.

I've been on the edge of the suicide cliff more times than I care to think about in the past four decades. At times, I felt as though no one cared whether I was there or not, and had friends that I felt had betrayed me.
If you take your life, you will leave a hole in someone else's heart. Did you and Dakota have a suicide pact? Did he leave a note?

By coming to this forum, you probably touched several people's lives. You may have changed the mind of someone about to hurt themselves. I know its hard to care what others need or want when you are in as much pain as you are. You are important though. As people, we will all die someday. Our time on earth is very limited in the scope of things. I'm not telling you don't grieve. You should. You lost someone you cared deeply for. That doesn't mean you can't love again.

I won't give you a lecture about not committing suicide. You have probably heard it before anyway. Things have a way of changing though. Your gifts are special and meant to be shared. Whether you know it or not, you are a good person, and though it may take time to realize, you will touch many other lives in the years to come. Take things day by day or second by second if you have to.

Sam2