Quote:
Originally Posted by anjelmarie
I feel like i wasted my life away. I'm embarrassed about it and hate being around people. I don't want anyone to ask me about myself and ask what i do or how i am doing. I am on disability and haven't worked in almost 3 years. I have a high school diploma and i was a secretary before and did clerical work all my life. I am struggling now. I have no car and live with my bf in one bedroom apartment. I have no children and i have been with bf for a long time. We planned to get married and have a family and then i found out some things and didn't want to although we stayed together. So now my life is about going from dr. appt to dr. appt and going to the pharmacy to get my meds and seeing my therapist and psych dr. other than that and running errands I do nothing. I don't have friends anymore since i stopped working due to depression. I used to go out and do things and now i have no life. My bf has friends and family and he likes to do things with them and i'm sad to be home alone. I don't want to be around his family for reasons i won't get into. So I feel like i have nothing to show for my life. I thought of taking one or two classes to at least feel good about myself that i'm doing something and to get out of the house but they would say that i could work if i could go to school and take away my benefits. I don't feel working and taking a class or two is the same thing but they will think that and i can't afford to have no income. So i'm just ranting about feeling like a loser and being embarrassed about my life. Feeling lonely and not wanting to even wake up. So many other things going on but i'm not going to continue to rant about it. Thanks for listening.  |
anjelmarie,
I can relate to your situation. I'll share with you. After being out of school for 11 years, I decided to go back and start college. After four years, I had a bachelor's in science and chem and was married with a child on the way. The fall after I graduated, we moved so I could get a post graduate degree. All during this time, I was developing severe, daily migraines. My son was born and was the highlight of my life. My now ex-wife became verbally and emotionally abusive. We divorced during my senior year of post graduate work, and she took my son back home, several states away. That spring, I graduated with a doctorate degree. I had to finish one month of work after graduation as the migraines had become so severe that I lost of month of schooling.
Right out of school I landed a very good job in the state I went to school in. My ex had become so abusive to my parents when they went to see my son that I had to take out a restraining order on her in my parent's behalf. When I would visit my son, he was four at the time, he would tell me things like "mom says you don't pay us enough to get a house". That and a few other goodies. At any rate, after three years on the job, I had to quite because of pain, taking a part time job. Despite numerous tests, medications etc. the migraines got worse.
So, here I am, no wife, no son, eight years of education down the toilet, pain so bad that every moment I"m not working, (two to three half days a week), I spend in the dark trying to get rid of pain. My back has gone out and so I walk with a cane, again painfully. Neither problem will go away, or so I am told. tens of thousands of dollars left in student loans,