**sigh** another day. i have been asked to write a letter of encouragement to my goddaughter. might as well write one to myself too!

it's time to get serious about my apartment. the furniture needs to be re-arranged. it needs to be cleaned and the painters need to be called. also, i have bicycles to repair. the christmas gifts need to be wrapped.

and, i need to make a decision about school. should i go back? i have no idea what to study - i am not good at anything. also, i need to initiate cases against previous employers who harassed me. i have been meaning to do this for ages but just can't bring myself to fight. i am such a loser, how can i possibly win? my ptsd is bad everyday and lately, my ibs too. i see the doctor tomorrow for a celiac test.

i have been sexually inactive for a long time. i need to do something about it but can't bring myself to. it makes me so weird - i am the only person i know who does not appear to enjoy sex very much. i avoid it at all costs. i go out to make friends and, instead, people (who i often don't find attractive) hit on me. i don't know what to say. it's a compliment to be hit on but, instead, it troubles me. and, i don't appreciate it.