I know how you feel because at my job no one would know that I was suicidial most of the time. However, in early August I broke down and just started crying. I went back on my meds and went promptly back to my therapist. Guess I wasn't cured when I stopped the meds previously was I??? Anyway the feelings you are having are terrible and they may cause you to self medicate - I did with DISASTEROUS RESULTS! So please try and be careful with any alcohol mixed with any meds. It is now 6 weeks later and with meds and therapy, I am so much better - not exactly happy - but able to to cope and deal. You have to get your feelings out in a safe way - please get a therapist. One note of caution - many friends and family will NOT understand your feelings and may not give you the coping skills you need to survive - so be careful who you confide in. And - if the first therapist does not succeed - try another one. Next idea - please try to eat. I lost 15 pounds in less than a month and the lack of nutrients and food in my body made my depression much worse. Try some soy shakes - they helped me physically. Depression does not discriminate or care if you are educated or successful....