Hi, I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder approximately 2 months ago. I've been on and off meds for years. Nothing seemed to work. Finally my Therapist & Psychologist said I have Bipolar disorder, mixed state. Whatever that means.
I'm currently on Lithium & Prozac. So far so good. I have my good days and bad days. SO far I don't have the racing thoughts, forgetfulness, anxious, tense, irritable feelings anymore. I didn't used to be this way. My symptoms began when I was 24yrs old during my husbands deployment. Ever since then the symptoms have only gotten worse.
I'm embarrassed majority of the time. How can the lady known to keep it together, always polished, always the helper be so explosive in her home. God knows how many times my neighbors have heard my screaming, yelling rants that last hours on end. In my community I'm literally a pariah. I want to just hide myself sometimes. I'm so ashamed of how I am at times.
I've gone from very confident and sure of myself. To now I question everything I do. Does it make sense? Is this an episode? What will my quality of life be like? Does everyone think I am crazy? Will I ever be able to make connections with people again? Will people want to be my friend if they knew?
I'm hanging in there, one day at a time.