T,
I am having my Borderline emotions. I feel like destroying myself. I have such hatred for myself. I had to go to another appointment, I feel out of sorts because I am out of my routine. I was upset that you couldn't fit me in (feelings only), and now I dread going another week. I didn't think I was attached to you at all, I WAS WRONG. I hate myself for this more than you will ever know. This feeling of being inconsequential is monumental and is threatening to encompass me. I can't call you. You don't even know I'm struggling so much. Detaching is already going to be painful, and this sickens me. I am living inside of a monster and I can't escape. There is no more hope for me. I try to push forward, but it is time to stop playing games of I'm going to make it, and just face the reality that I am not. I can hate myself and I can make myself feel inconsequential on my own. At this point, hope is not warranted.