Ben, I think that what fayerody suggested is wonderful advise.....definitely from personal experience.

I only delt with the hospice group for 5 days before my Mother died 1 1/2 years ago also. My mother was never told that she was dying from her cancer & believed that her surgeon was given to her by God & saved her life. She decided that her prayers were answered & that what she went through wasn't any more serious that the hystorectomy she had 30 years earlier. I was the only child (only family) that existed & had to go with what my mother was believing even though I knew better from observing. For my Mother, the hospice care was only in place at the point when my Mother could no longer think or even realize ,much of what was going on around her. I had her in a nursing home close to my home & they came there to care for her & to keep her comfortable. It was so hard for me knowing that my Mother was dying, but never having been around dying people, I had no idea what stage she was in before dying.

The hospice was there for me after my Mother died except that I was in the medical hospital for about 2 months at that time because I was so sick from the exhaustion I went through & had bad anemia & malnutrition because the stress made me so nausious I couldn't eat. The hospice group had group meetings for the families of the patients they cared for. Unfortunately for me, the PTSD I was dealing with was something I need to deal with before I have ever been able to deal with the grief.

Understanding & listening to the family is also an important part of a hospice worker. In the one group meeting I went to, there were many different feelings that came out. Unfortunately, I felt out of place because none of them had gone through anything like I had & I didn't feel safe expressing all the anger I was dealing with. The hospice workers were definitely great at being sensitive to what I was going through. Even though my mother was not congnacent of what was going on around her, they did provide very gentle loving care for her. Looking back, I wish things had been different & I wish my Mother's Dr had been willing to tell her that she was dying so that she could have been honest herself & knowing about what was happening to her. Walking on egg shells around my Mother....afraid to say anything until right before she died when I told her to let go & that God was answering her prayer by letting her die......so that she would be free of the cancer.

Everything is so different with every person who dies.....I would imagine that every situation will be different & it is important to not define each situation as being the same. It is important to read each patient & each family but provide kind, loving care no matter what. It has to be a very hard job, having to be sensitive to each experience.

It is a wonderful thing that you are doing.....it takes special people to be able to do what you are doing & my prayers & thoughts are with you as you go through this new chapter in your life.
Debbie