Well, I guess I have given up on therapy for now...but I am really struggling with anxiety and some depression resulting from crap in my life combined with not being able to cope with my anxiety and low self-esteem. I have found one T who worked for me....but I was not able to stay with her because I moved. I've been to three different ones since then and it seems like the T that worked for me was the exception to the norm.

I don't know if maybe I am not articulating my needs in therapy clearly, or what. I had scheduling issues with my last T, a combination of me needing late afternoon appointments and her going out of town a lot, sometimes we wouldn't be able to set an appointment for until a month after the last appt. I also feel like, with some Ts, that I just get the kind of advice or observations that I would get from a friend trying to find the "right" thing to say to make me feel better (don't know if that makes sense). The T that worked for me seemed to have a lot of insights as to why my thought processes were the way they were, and some of the things I needed to do, but did so in a way that allowed me to learn and realize things for myself, without answers being "imposed" on me.

I'm really not sure what to do right now. I'm not sure what's worse, the thought of putting money and energy into yet another T that may or may not work for me, or going on for the rest of my life not being able to cope with my thoughts and feelings.

I just feel like the number one advice for people struggling with mental disorders is to seek professional help...and that's what I've been trying to do for the past couple years, and it's getting me nowhere. I am open to the idea that I am doing something wrong that is keeping me from benefiting from therapy. I also recognize this part in me that is afraid of, or resistant to, letting all of this go.

I guess just writing about this, and thinking about how much I'm torturing myself with my own mind, has made me want to not give up.