I've been dating my current boyfriend for 4 years. Because of various circumstances that had nothing to do with our relationship, 4 months ago we had to move 14 hours away from each other and haven't seen each other since then. Other than the occasional phone call and text messages, I've been cut off from him and the rest of my family.

I've had chronic depression for a bit less than three years with sporadic periods of suicidal/self-harming thoughts and actions. I'm not going to get into all the details of why I can't get an appropriate counselor for that since that's not the topic at hand.

My boyfriend knows about well, everything. I feel bad about worrying him, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to. I can't really even talk to my family because they seem to think I'm looking for attention and just make me feel worse whenever I try to talk to them about it. Since the move, my depression's gotten consistently worse, especially since I found out I'll only get to see my boyfriend for 3 days around Christmas and then we won't get to see each other until some point in the summer, maybe not even then. It's not his fault, so I feel guilty for asking when we'll get to see each other. And I don't want to make him feel guilty about how bad my depression's getting worse, even after trying to spend just about every waking moment with friends, so I haven't been talking to him about it because he can't do anything about it.

I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't, if that makes sense. If I tell him about how I've been feeling, I may be worrying him needlessly. If I don't, I guess I have to suck it up and try to make it through the week without doing something stupid. I've gotten to the point that I want to end it, but I can't stomach the thought of hurting people I care about.

I don't think I'm really sure what I'm asking about anymore. I just don't want to hurt him.