(((Chopin))),
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She said I seemed to be panicking simply out of fear and supposition, not out of anything that is true.
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Your T states this as if she has put a period at the end of your sentence. Panicking "simply" out of fear and supposition, is still panicking. My question then would be, when is a good time to panic? And what has to happen for your 'panic' to be real and not just "simply" panic? To me, her words are invalidating. Instead of invalidating your possible surface material, I wish she had been able to address the underlying fear here, Chopin
You deserve that.
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I also told her that while I didn't have much choice financially, I felt it was bad timing to be going down to one session a week. She said I was just under a lot of stress and that the point of therapy is for it to eventually end. She started talking about how everything was "God's plan" and I tuned out because I was so weary.
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How is one "Just" under alot of stress? "Just" curious? You told her your concern about going down to one time a week, and her words, imo, were again, invalidating. To me, it doesn't sound like you are "just" under alot of stress, it sounds like you are having a difficult time going to fewer sessions toward a possible end. That is a COMPLETELY normal reaction to this part of therapy. TOTALLY NORMAL. No "Justs" about it.
Your feelings are valid, Chopin, truly. Therapy in and of itself is difficult, and if you are planning to go to fewer sessions, all of this may be bringing up the same or more material that you have gone over previously. I think when you wrote about her not liking your CD, etc., that you really felt that no matter if you were overthinking, underthinking, hyperthinking, hemithinking, etc.. I suspect (but don't know) that you might be feeling like the fact that she isn't opposing you going to one time a week, that maybe that translates to her not caring? I also heard that you might feel inconsequential, and that you feel she is pushing you toward termination. Correct me if I am wrong. I hope you can talk with her about these fears and I hope she will address them in a way that will help you process them and heal. This is a post that I would have expected to hear from someone going to one day a week, if you are unsure that you are ready for this, it is bound to cause REAL panic and cause you to be under alot of stress (hold the just).
I don't want to come across as bashing your therapist, because from your posts she sounds like she has been very helpful and supportive to you. I have a word issue sometimes, lol. But sometimes one word makes a difference in how we perceive things.
If you are posting exactly what she said, then it does sound like some of the things she said were invalidating. I don't think she meant them to be, I don't think she meant to minimize what you are going through either. I hope you can talk to her about this so you can feel safe again. You are worthy, and you matter, you matter to alot of people here on PC and I suspect irl also. Be kind to yourself, my friend.