...some kind of internal hostility splitting me up sending me away to be alone every damn day!

it's horrible it could be anything but it's so deep inside!

...cannot get at it!...

yes I relate.... most of what you wrote is my same dialogue in my mind.

the most sensitive of us have the most spectacular emotional defence mechanisms...however inefficient they are personally...

we attack the delicate with force, without love just remorse....without even knowing and evidently showing...just afraid to be hurt thats all

...and yes it certainly feels so wrong ...and on it goes