I am so sorry that you have been stressing and so confused and even tramatized with "religion". It is truely important to understand that if you are stressed by a "religion" and you begin to feel like you are "unworthy" in anyway, that means that you need to take steps to release yourself from that religious group.

Religion should "not" be used for "power and control" and if it is, it is being "used wrong".

I have talked about the fact that in our "study of our human brains" we are learning that by studying those that are practicing a faith and are deep in prayer that a part of the brain becomes very active and stimulated. And it produces a tremdous sense of calm, and empowerment, and will to thrive and it does have a lot of power to it. It is no wonder that over time we have discovered this, have been even driven by it and have developed "religions" around it.

It is very healthy to practice faith and stimulating this area of the brain.
However, that doesn't mean that is needs to be so completely directed and constrained that you end up questioning yourself in the way you are discribing.

A "faith" is truely suppose to be used to help you lead a "good and healthy life" and it truely does work and can provide a great sense of belonging and well being. And there are people that get discouraged if they don't quite measure up to or adhere to an organized faith, which by the way is pretty much designed by "humans".

It would be sad if you made a descision to walk away from accessing and utilizing this part of your brain, it is a gift to all of us and each of us deserves to find a way to use it where we can enjoy it and truely utilize it to help us "self love" and "connect with others" as well. It should not be used to gain "power" over others. It should be used to respect others and appreciate ourselves and our lives in a very meaningful and fulfilling way.

My strong suggestion to you is to disconnect with this specific religious group as it sounds like it is not "helping you" but instead is truely "hurting you". Honestly, human beings by the mere fact of their "unknowingness" can create "disfunctional" enviornments. So, it is not just "you" or that "you" are unworthy somehow. And as with any "disfunctional" environment it is best for you to walk away and find a healthier and more productive environment for yourself to thive in.

It is always good to make sure you try to be open minded and consider the whole of "humanity" and what we are learning about our "human brains" and human nature. Religion or leaning about the different ways we have come to understand ourselves and practice different religions is a good way to develope a more personal and positve way to think about yourself, life, and truely develope a personal sense of well being and personal "spirituality".

Just my opinion.

Open Eyes