i started being self destructive when i was 6, drinking soap/shampoo...kind of hopeing it would poison me, slamming my head or self into things. so hard i kinda unintentionally make a sound, tearing at my skin or my face with my nails, i will littarly tear gashes into my skin, starts as just compulsive itching, maybe its something like a bug bite, maybe i will just be upset, and i mean i will be scratching and before i realize it my hands are bloody and there's blood dripping down my leg...i tug at my bangs/hair too...so much so that i have nearly given myself bald-spots on countless occasions, biting gashes into my hands or arms sucking on my knees..stabbing and cutting, burning myself with a curling iron or stove....i would get very standoffish bug the bullies till they would hurt me, not even try to fight back...sounds odd...but that was not exactly my goal then i guess...i would bug a cat till it would scratch me, get this "standoffish" "venomous" "i don't care" attitude there were a lot of suicide attempts, with a near success at about 16, my friends finding me nearly dead on the floor, frankly though it started going down hill when i was 16, getting more and more depressed and suicidal, soon i could not see something without how it could kill me, enjoying those thoughts, wanting them....i researched a lot i was NOT going to die a agonizeing death, or be permanatlly scared for life possibly handicapped....i mean...i have heard some horror stories.....i still blame myself for what happend when i was 6, my freind Benjemin (he was7) was always verry protective over me...with the bullies and all that junk...its my fault he's in a coma, they hit him hard, and he went flying hitting the mettle poles of the jungle gym HARD, he passed out, he never has woke up... hes been comatose..if he hadn't had been trying to defend me, that never would have happend...that among other things (like worrying i didnt exist? the bullies could hurt me ALL they wanted and i couldnt do a thing, if i fought back...i was blamed for what happend...and no matter what they did, noone ever seemed too see, or care...i rember being curled up into a ball in the corner trying to dissaper gagging blood cause i got punched in my stumach to hard, and people just walked by like it was nothing other little kids, they reacted they would help them....that thought made me upset it made me angry, i was struggling alot, with alot of abuse from my parents, abusive teachers, bullies, people i thought were my freinds, and i guess ive had a hard time, self injury is a really bad habit i chew on carrot sticks and ice sometimes, rather then my hand or my arm, tug on my clothes rather then my hair....but sometimes i wonder how much im really improveing, because i get extreamly upset or angry and i start gnashing my teeth, biteing my hand pulling my hair, seems im going two steps forward 5 steps back,