I don't know if I have ever felt like this much pain before. I carried her in my bbellly, I was the very first person to ever hold her, the dr. litterally threw her on my belly when she came out, so even he didn;t hold her.

Oh God I am a wreck. I'm ovver 100 miles away. My family has disowned me because they cant handle all the mental mess. And so now I have to actually mail cards and send presents. I can't be there to hug my baby. I nursed her when she was a baby and now shes not mine. I stayed up many nights trying to bring down a 104 fever. I took her to her first day of school. I picked her up from school when she bbroke her arm on the playground and rushed her to the dr. I bought her first car, I put braces on her teeth. And now. Now I'm a stranger.

I just want to lie down and sleep the day away. My stomach is nauseated. I'm shaking like a leaf.

Backstory, my husband asked me to leave. Of course the girls are staying there because of school, college and friends etc. The only place I could go was my best friends house, 100 miles away. I dontt even have a freakin car right now.

This is NOT FAIRl. I'm having all these flashbacks..cheerleader tryouts, slumber partys, pushing her stroller arouund the mall. Someone just knock me out until after Christmas.