(((hezza))),

Oh, I understand the demensions of your challenge now. It is a problem that a lot of people struggle with too. So make sure you are not "hard on yourself" because you are struggling. Hey, you are learning, thats all and you have to truely work on yourself before you get hurt again. You are right, another person cannot truely fill our own hole and resolve our personal challenges for us.

All people want to be loved and appreciated and many people struggle with understanding how to have "healthy" relationships. Your mother didn't understand how to address your needs as a child as well. This is a very common problem and it doesn't mean you were not loved or unworthy in anyway.

It is important that you finally understand that, grieve it properly and learn ways to overcome it. It takes time and we all make mistakes in relationship building too. So keep learning, getting help and see if there are some "good books" that you can also read about how to "self improve and self empower". I am sure there is probably quiet a supply of reading material on that because it is a very common human challenge.
Always remember, the one thing you can always do is "learn".

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes