I wish you would send me a kind message, something to hold on to. I know you won't. Boundaries. Self care.

January seems a long time away, and I don't know if or how you will greet me. I don't know if I can dare to look forward to seeing you. I just wish I knew that you'll be there for me again. That you can be. That you want to be.

I feel so poisonous, toxic. Pathetic, too. I wish I didn't care about you at all. I wish I didn't miss you. I wish I hadn't set myself up for rejection, for being pushed away. I wish I still had some pride and dignity left.