U asked..."wtf?...goes on when the enemy is me?"
I struggle with same dilemma. Here is something maybe.........I don't know.

"True freedom is won and lost in the heart. That is the only war worth waging. Engage yourself in such a war, and you shall no longer find the time for any other wars which would become to you abhorrent beastliness and diabolic tricks meant to distract your mind, and sap your strength and cause you thus to lose the great war with yourself which is indeed an holy war. To win that war is to win undying glory. But victory in any other war is worse than rank defeat. And that is the horror of all men’s wars, that the victor and the vanquished equally espouse defeat."