I can really relate to this post- you summed up very much how I feel. Despite my numerous failed attempts at therapy I still have the urge to make that call and try again. And then I tell myself that there isn't help for me. I've tried. I've failed. I go about my days telling myself I'm okay, when really, I know I am not. It's just that I feel like I have to be okay because the help won't be there.