I could have grabbed a thread from several days ago and pulled it back to the front, but I figured I'd just start my own.

Since we moved, things have been tight money-wise and things haven't often gone the way we expected. My husband hasn't gotten a job yet and I'm working 8-12 hours a day sitting at the computer to keep us afloat. In order to survive Christmas, I cashed in part of my retirement money. It is somewhat my husband's fault...he hasn't actively looked for a job the way I wish he would, but I have never openly blamed him. When I mention filling out applications, he gets defensive and thinks I'm nagging so I've done my best to keep my mouth shut.

Well, this morning, I don't know what triggered it, I wish I did, but he was extremely self depricating. It's HIS fault he quit his good job in Florida, HIS fault we moved so far from home, HIS fault we're in a financial mess right now, HIS fault that he buys Starbucks when he could make coffee at home, etc. But the tone of his voice and the look he gives me...makes me feel the opposite. It's all my fault. I could have done something differently. I caused it. He's yelling at me for something I can't help, etc. I know I'm misinterpreting it...I have to be, but I can't shake it and it hurts. Whenever I open my mouth, he claims I'm yelling at him. When I tell him he's making me feel guilty, he shakes his head. In disgust, anger, pity? I don't know. And he's all I really have here. I left my daughters and my prior life 2,600 miles behind me!
We've been married a long time. I know this will pass...but God I feel horrible, useless, condescending, a nag....you name it....