I am rather confused as to whether the main event I attribute my PTSD to(lockdown in which a student I knew was killed) was actually the 'cause' or if it was just a worsening of it like if maybe I had developed it even before that based on other experiances such as when I attempted suicide at 15 or had a run in with the cops at the same age when trying to do the right thing and turn in the person they were looking for(she was supposedly my friend, and wrote something that was taken as a threat on the wall and then was trying to make it look like I did it...so I went and told them it was her and then they were trying to prosecute me and my mom told me one cop was threatening to have me arrested which scared me quite a bit), its a complicated story so I wont go into it all here. Or I wonder if some previous trauma or prolonged exposure to negative environments/situations simply made me more prone to develop PTSD.

And before the age of 15 I was dealing with constant bullying and ostracism through various schools, we moved a lot and even moving to another school at the end of the year never helped I still faced the same problems. Also some incidents of teachers singling me out or contributing to the ostracism/bullying stick out in my memory.

So I suppose its confusing to me if all that just made me more prone to developing PTSD from what happened at my school, or if I maybe already had symptoms and that just re-tramatized me thus making it all worse. I don't expect anyone can really tell me an exact 100% accurate answer to this....but its on my mind so if anyone has simular confusion or anything to say on this matter go for it.