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Originally Posted by kitsune_girl
First of all, I'm new to this site. Nice to meet you! I don't know where else to let this out other than on here.
Well I've had problems with socializing with people for seven years now. Ever since 6th grade. I'm a freshman in college now. At first I didn't see it as that big of a deal, but during my junior year of high school it was so bad that I didn't have ANY friends. I was so desperate that I was overly nice to people and let them use me. I was just desperate for friends. After they dropped me, thoughts of self harm would come to mind. I would think of myself as worthless and having no meaning in the world other than letting others use me.
Senior year I made a good friend. Long story short, she betrayed me. It really crushed me because she was the one person who I could be myself with. Right before she left I found out she was racist and used me for taking her places because I was the only friend she felt comfortable with asking. After than incident suicidal thoughts flooded my mind. For about a month I would sleep all day long so I wouldn't have to think about it. I lost about 12 pounds too.
It's gotten even worse since I've started college. It was actually going well at first. I talked to people and thought I had made friends.. I don't know what happened, but after that first week, no one was talking to me and I wasn't talking to anyone. It was back to how it used to be. I tried to stay positive and joined a club that had something to do with something I'm very passionate about. Even there I couldn't talk to people. I just sat by myself while everyone else was socializing. I wanted to join the conversations so badly, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Now whenever I talk to people, I start sweating bullets and my speech becomes really slurred. The other day we had to do a presentation for one of my classes and I was so scared that I skipped out and just took a zero. In fact, the last time I had to present in front of a class I blacked out.
My parents don't think this is really that big of a deal and tell me I'll get over it, but it's been seven years. I'm tired of being socially awkward and want help and friends. I'm so lonely that I make up imaginary friends to keep me company. It's getting ridiculous. I'm tired of having these suicidal thoughts and thinking of myself as worthless.
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Sometimes parents have blinders on when it comes to their kids. i was a lot like you starting in the fifth grade, and my parents never noticed. It doesn't just go away on its own. There are a lot of different reasons why people isolate themselves and can't make friends, but left alone, those feelings just seem to magnify. I'm forty nine and really only have one friend. I know how people should act, and in a professional setting do well with one or two people, but not with crowds. I don't trust people, shy away from other people trying to befriend me, and can't attend social functions of any kind. I'd hate for you to end up that way. Do something about it now. Its only going to get harder as you get older. It doesn't have to be that way. You express the desire to have contact with people. That is a start. Please seek out help so that you can live a happier, more satisfying life.
Sam2