Yeah, it is long to read. I know what you mean about the confusion about the lists too. I pretty much fit well into the hypervigilance list myself. Not everything exactly applies to me though. I do have an extreme amount of empathy for others and I have been that way most of my life. My therapist tells me I am the kind of victim that will step in for others who hurt while some victims shy away and wont want to get near it. I just learned that this past week, something I didn't know, only if I see abuse I do step up to the plate.

I think that PTSD is often like other disorders, it may be in a kind of spectrum from mild to severe. I have had some severe symtoms but that comes from not only being bullied but also raped and CSA and so I can experience strong surges of extreme anger if I am around someone who plays head games with me even after I say "leave me alone" and am assertive about it. I have met some people that experience complete white outs where they can get violent and not even remember. I would have to say that is very severe.

I was thinking about how you struggled when you tryed to go to college, that may come from that history of bullying in school. I could not go to a big college, I had to go to something much smaller. I didn't realize what that meant at the time though. That may be something you might want to consider yourself.

Open Eyes