... because I have very low self-esteem, a ton of triggerable self-doubts, and social phobias. At least I now understand where much of it comes from. I am so glad I sought therapy.

I live inside a shell of negative self-perceptions and stubbornly resistant assumptions. It seems to have formed after negative social experiences such as bullying, invalidation and rejection, and the ways I tried to deal with these experiences - people appeasing, backing down, playing it too safe, to name a few.

I do believe it is killing me slowly. I just want to shatter the ---- shell. I feel like a star about to go supernova and outshine its own galaxy, but some inner force seeks to compress it inwards to a depressing black hole, so the opposing forces simply cancel each other out. Nothing happens. I do not permit it!! I am becoming nothing more than a shell with a soundlessly shrieking, empty void inside of it.

I need to believe in myself and stand up for the person I wish to be, just for once. It isn't just for me, it's for others, too. I want to be free. I want to feel real. ---- this.