Does this sound familiar? OMG Yes. Sleepy, I sleep alot. Tired I am so emotionally tired and physically to. Depressed absolutely. This is so much what like life for me. It is hard. When my H told me he forbid me to tell anyone I didn't for many years. I was afraid of the punishment. Only now do I realize when my H asked "What would he do" and I didn't know I was simply afraid and didn't know what of. It was easier to be afraid and be running from something and not know waht it was. If you knew then it would be extra scary. Turned out if you didn't know then it really couldn't have been as bad as imagined.

I remember one of the most healing times in my PTSD. My brother in law who was living what I was living at the hands of his wife though saw me at church. My eyes met his and he hugged me and just said I'm so sorry. He knew, he saw, he could feel my pain and I his. If only more people were like that. My H was jealous of him. His brother provided a stability he could not. My sister in law was jealous of me for the same reason. We couldn't talk to one another but we knew. We could feel one anothers pain and know exactly how the other felt.

My brother in law has since been put into a mental facility and is back and forth between facilities. My H demands no contact w/ him from me. He is a very ill individual now and I know it would not be healthy for me or my H and I's relationship to talk to my brother in law. I feel so badly I can't and shouldn't talk to the one person who understands me fully.

I have now put my faith in my T and so hope she doesn't screw this up. The fear of giving that trust to someone is paralyzing. I have to put my hope and faith in someone. (no offence God!) We just had a lesson at church about the hand of God and how he works therw people. We as humans need to have that eye to eye, skin to skin connection and God knows that. So it's ok to trust and have faith in people. Any way it is very scary to trust, to put it all out there, and take a risk.

Open Eyes thank you for understanding and sharing.