You're not worthless Fuzzybear, and a grrrowl to anyone who has made you feel that way. Safe hugs if ok (((Fuzzy)))
If I'm reading you correctly, you wish to have more intensive therapy but are concerned about the cost? The cost of healthcare upsets me a great deal. It isn't fair that you can't get the help you want or need because it's so expensive.
Fuzzy you won't find a rotten apple within you ... forgive me if I have misunderstood what you were saying. I think you're a nice person, and I'd like to think with therapy you would end up believing that, too, rather than whatever it is your abusers have made you feel about yourself.
Sorry for rambling. I sometimes use too many words because I'm anxious to convey what I'm thinking.
Take care.