Ugh.. Maybe I should not have said tantrum.. I mean. That sounds mean.. And she probably did not "plan" it. I don't know what happens when it happens. I almost let myself feel bad about that "maybe sometimes you are a *****" comment... but I am gonna stop short of that. When she said it.. weird thing.. I actually think she meant it, she said it in a way that seemed more like venomous confession, rather than self loathing kinda defense. And maybe it is a bit true. I dunno. If that makes sense. It was weird.. I actually felt this terror kinda thing.. like when the hair on the back of your neck stands up. Or when you learn a secret that is too painful.. maybe she does know what she is doing, and maybe she is ok with it, maybe likes it even.. and that makes my hair stand at attention.

Thank you Trippin and Christina.