What a wonderful morning! Well... it started last night... to be honest... When our son was going to bed... he said: "I don't want to live anymore! I can't do it anymore! I want to die!" I could see the fear and hurt in his blue eyes... His body all tense... I knew today probably would be rough. Boy was I ever right!!!
Struggling to get him to eat... playing all the trix there are in the book... to make things work out. Soooooo draining! Think, think, think! His dad was to take the kids to school this morning. Gustav threw himself down on the floor... refused to go... In some way I managed to get his shoes on... Tried to calm him down. Hubby got him and his sister outside the door... Our son was trying to get loose and was crying. They went down the stairs... to the buildings door. I looked out the window and saw our daughter walking away on her own. I just noooooooooooo..... I had to jump into a pair of trousers... my pyjama's t-shirt still on, to run downstairs and take care of our son. Hubby had to walk our daughter to school in time.
Our son was lying on the ground crying... I tried to rise him up... no use...
Two persons walked passed us... soooooooo embarrassing!
I tried to find something to talk about to catch my sons attention... you really have to think quick...using the exact right words... or else "the game" is over. You'd have to start all over again. He tried to run inside again... In some way I managed to get him walking... It was one tense walk to school... I can say! When we got there... I fetched his teacher... we sat down and talked to our son. So hard to reach him in that state of mind! Then he made a runner! Hubby ran after... Our son was in tears... Finally we got him into the class room. He got to play a Super Mario game on the computer to make him relax. Then his teacher had to hold him in a firm way so hubby and I could walk back home.
I really do hope the big meeting, with all persons involved- when it comes to our son- WILL BE SET VERY SOON! I feel torn apart, seeing my son suffering like this!!! I love him so much! My poor daughter having to be a part of this too!!! I love her! It feels like I'm having a block of concrete on my shoulders... walking on my knees. I'm the only one... who really knows how to handle our son... but my energy is running out! I'm about to fall into pieces!
I cried talking to a friend last night... because I have my own issues too to handle and... it's far too much.

If you only knew how much coming here getting support, means to me! I need you, guys!!!
I want to be there for you too in your sad hours! I just don't know how to, right now.