I always found something I wanted to learn or do. The point of life IMO is about learning and growing your whole life. If you keep pushing to be the the best or better than others you will be disappointed in your life. I think it is a big mistake to have to have "the best" or "be the best to impress".

I have noticed during my life that there is a lot of pressure put on "success" and that people have this idea of "have to be or know who they are" at a certain point or else they are some kind of failure.

When I raised my daughter I made it a point to constantly tell her that I didn't care what she did for work or life, if she became a pig farmer, up to her knees in mud but had a smile on her face then I would be happy to my core and very proud of her. And I always encouraged her to try different things and keep learning too. And that is what she does with her life, just keeps an open mind and learns.

People spend their lives looking around at other people waiting to be judged for who or what they are, for what? Why is it important to worry about what everyone else thinks or judges of you? They are not going to be "living your life are they"? I think it often becomes such a trap and such a waste to "keep up with the Joneses" all your life. If you do that, you dont live your own life, you spend your life just "keeping up with some kind of image". And when we do that, whomever is setting the tone of image for that year etc, is the one who laughs all the way to the bank.

At one point in my life, my husband and I built a house in a small middle class neighborhood with other YUPIES (young uprising professionals). And it was a small dead end street and everyone built a nice house as to what they could afford. Well, the tone of that small neighborhood was "who had the biggest and the best". It was such a depressing neighborhood because the tone revolved around who was doing what and others trying to keep up with that. Who had a new car, who had more vacations, who's kids were wearing designer clothes, who could decorate for Christmas the best, and on and on. I hated that neighborhood and couldn't wait to get out of it and I did and bought a place with some land that I made into a small farm.

When I look at my life now, looking back, I was always happiest learning tbh. I prefered not owning a spot in someone's business, but I prefered to move around and do different jobs, which became a part of my business. Why is it important to just get into one set thing with one group of people?

For a while I worked as a temp and I moved around to different places to do different jobs and in each place I noticed the permenant empolyees had this soap opera environment where it was the same thing, who was the most or best. And honestly, I thought that was "boring" and I much prefered just "observing" and "listening". I never liked to be connected to just "one click" either, because I felt I learned more by just getting to know "different people" because everyone has something I can learn about.

Someone asked me the other day how I seem to know so much, know them somehow, well, I would have to say it probably is due to getting to know different people instead of just attaching myself to one group or click of people and then get tangled up in finding "my" position or worthiness in that group somehow.

So, maybe you should think about growing into who you are instead of expecting to just "know" who you are.

For over a year now I have really been struggling with PTSD. It really is such a challenging disorder and I have really been emotionally worn out by it. But even though I have been so incredibly challenged, I still am allowing myself to learn about it, learn about the brain, learn about others who struggle with it and observe myself while I have been struggling. This mindset didn't happen right away, this disorder had brought me to my knees, and to depths of dispair, but, I finally embraced it somehow and commited myself to learning about it and though it did scare me, I kept pushing to make sure I realized that I have PTSD and there is a reason and even though I struggle and feel lost and as if I have failed, that is a part of my disorder too. So I somehow give myself permission to observe and learn about it and learn how to make efforts to manage it and make some gains on it.

I can't say that I am "healed" or "suddenly all better" because I still struggle with it.
However, I have noticed that I have made some gains on it and I am doing better than last year. So I just keep learning and trying and I have learned to accept on some level that other people are not going to understand me because I struggle with it. I keep learning about it and I share whatever I have been learning with others.

So, my advice is to allow yourself to keep learning and try different things as well. And no, you are not going to "suddenly erase" your challenge, but you can keep learning and trying to self improve and open your mind up and learn everyday.

Open Eyes