Still feeling out of control today. *sigh* Less crazy than yesterday though, I suppose.

I did my own calculations of what I owe T and am putting a check in the mail today. I don't know why I can't get to a place of being willing to talk about it with T and try to work something out (even though we've talked about it before).

I guess I just don't want to feel any more shame, panic, disappointment, fear....My heart is walled off right now.