I have the same life experience yet, for some reason, I keep trying. I guess it's instinct that keeps me going.

My suggestion is that you take out a pen and pencil and start making lists, e.g., what you need to do differently in your life; what you would like to accomplish in your life (e.g., travel, family); errors you do not want to repeat; lessons you have learned; short-term goals (even if it's just eating out at a fave restaurant); and things you want to try to make your life better (e.g., change of counselors, less family contact, new type of therapy). In short, things don't change on their own. You have to have plans.

All the best to you!