I lived right by the beach and the waves were realy big and a lot of cliffs and rocks.
I went fishing there a lot. I forgot the time though my mother had given me a tide tabel and I was really far out. So I'm running home and I see an older boy and I tell him to go home or he'll drown.
He then grabs me by the arm and tells me to take of my clothes. I get lose and run for it. He fires a gun and by some mirracle it does not hit me but a large wave does. We end up in the water together, he can not swim and grabs my shoulders so I dive and my hands find a rock, I come up, hit him on the head and then I swim. I was so sure I was dead when I came to myself on the shore.
My neighbour told me to be careful because a boy had just drowned.
I never dared tell a soul why, sure they would find me and put me in jail. I'm still scared they will but I can not live with it alone anymore.
I have flashbacks often when poeple grab hold of my shoulders when I'm in water. This is bad because I teach swimming lessons to small children and they have a tendency to do that. My automatic reaction is to dive and that makes them let go, but what really scares me is that my hands keep looking for the rock.
My dreams are not always on the specifik situation (though that is most common) but also about killing people that I care about, Is this normal? I have trouble controling my temper so I'm scared that there's really something wrong with my head.