I went through a similar situation with someone I once loved many, many moons ago. I know your heart is breaking right now, I think just getting through this moment is what is most important. I know maybe this might sound harsh right now to you, but what are you waiting for? The possiblity he might come back or decide where it will be...and when? Don't hold onto something that may not be there. It's not to say you cannot feel what you feel right now, or that your feelings have no meaning....they certainly do, and this heartache you are feeling is all to real. It's just such a really hard time. I, personally, would not hold myself loyal to him and something that isn't. It would be different if the two of you were committed to a relationship (on both parts) and you waited for him to come home. He's not giving the same commitment, and this makes it all one-sided now, only extending your pain, and for how long?

Whatever is meant to be, is meant to be. I feel that if we leave a shut door constantly open, it will close again, and again on us...he's closing the door. You cannot change that, only he can. When you close yourself out to everything in the hopes of perhaps him feeling differently after "X" amount of time, you are missing out on life, and what may lie out there for you.

Right now, cry your heart out...surrond yourself with loved ones, and true friends...take care of you, and let go and let God. Whatever is intended on your path will come to be...whether it is this young man or another. Just don't cheat yourself out of something.

hugs, Lisa