One thing I have learned is that you can't try to protect other people or worry about what they are thinking. She knows that this is a rough time for you. Since you don't have a counselor to call or txt at any time, for awhile, you may need to lean on her more and more. That's totally normal and okay, and actually, it's expected. You aren't bothering her at all; you are simply reaching out and asking for help. This is a new topic that has been introduced into your relationship, and eventually, you will be able to work through this on your own. Right now, you need her to get through this, and that is awesome that you accept that and are reaching out. Don't try to worry about the future, being left by her, or any of that. Instead, try to focus on the fact that God has placed this loving soul in your life and you have someone to talk things through. You are not alone, and these feelings will get better as you learn new coping mechanisms and get stronger eventually. Don't beat yourself up.