I agree, Maven.
There are times when, due to low self-esteem, I get panicky about certain things and think I have missed my calling as a woman in this life: I have been relationship avoidant so basically not had much of a relationship and have thus not had any children during my child-bearing years either. Your stepmum would most likely describe me as a spinster being much older than you.
I do still struggle sometimes with notions attached to being a woman and having reached middle age and still being single and childless such as sometimes thinking I am unlovable. Social attitudes on gender might come into that as well but it's more of a personal thing I struggle with based on my history.
The children issue is still very painful to me: it's not just about the 'mission' one is supposed to have as a woman, but also a personal longing for it.

That said, when I am less emotional, I can step back from this and then completely agree with you on women being whole persons without needing the validation of a man or children next to them. I also think that women should most definitely not make themselves look stupid in order to be allegedly more attractive to some men. I have a university education and am certainly against such approaches.

Thank you for posting this thread, Maven.