many of my relatives, including my mother, chose not to accept Long Term Care, but to remain at home, even when this included unsafe and unhealthful living conditions. i too have made this choice. i will die at home, if i am able to choose. i have written out my wishes in a legal document called a Durable Power of Attorney, including the Advanced Directives and the Five Wishes (who, when, where, how). no one can legally put me in a Nursing Home, nor other institution, even if it means my death.

i understand that if a person's mind is gone, or if one is afraid and needing assistance, and there is a decent option available, how beneficial it is to have the security of others trained in care-giving. sadly, that is not the case here. the nursing home here is horrible.

do research carefully where you place a loved one (or even a hated one), if you are not going to be able to visit them regularly, at least once a week, or more. talk to other residents, casually, about what they do with their time, when they last had entertainment in the facility, which is their favorite nurse... little questions that tell more than any inspection reports. and most of all, i was told, use your nose... the smell of neglect cannot be hidden.

i hope none of you ever need to place a family member in a Long Term Care Facility (Nursing Home), nor go there yourself~! and if you do, i hope you have access to a quality environment. but remember, there is no law forbidding one to die in the reassuring comfort of familiar surroundings, even if it seems unacceptable to others.

there are often ways to modify the home to make it more livable, and ways to get housekeeping help that include family members being paid. the federal Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 forbids discrimination against the family of persons with functional impairments, also.

best wishes~
Gus