Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
How do you express the depth of a disappointment without sounding like you're trying to guilt the other person into an apology?
For instance, with the latest disappointment, I felt so bad that I felt suicidal.
Do I tell my therapist this? Or should I just say that I felt sad and leave it at that? I guess I'm afraid that I would sound melodramatic if I told her just how badly I felt.
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It's hard to say without more information, and I want to respect how much information your choose to share and not share. I wonder if something like htis would help:
When you said/did __________ I felt ___________. I wanted to close down. I'm afraid to talk now. I don't feel safe and I want to feel safe for my therapy to work.
I can imagine me saying that to my therapist. I think it can be said in an accusatory tone, but also in a a vulnerable way. And I can imagine him responding really really well.
Perhaps an example, which isn't near as profound, I told him:
When you keep noticing all these other parts coming up I get confused and I can't follow it. I start paying attention to being a good student and catching all the nuances, and I forget about my process. And then I start shutting down from being overwhelmed
His response was wonderful. He didn't take it as criticism. He took it as information from me about what worked for me. And then we explored it together. I do feel lucky to have found him. My previous T would not, did not, respond this way.