Ok, customer gone, back to Rose.

Rose, you have learned a lot and you have really made a lot of gains too. I think that you have come to a point where you have recognized "your" needs more and you have been learning how to "take care of you" as well.

Well, I made a lot of gains myself, and for a long time I could not be around my family, especially not my sister. I just kept working on understanding PTSD and how to help myself first. PC helped me a lot with that too, because I learned how to identify my triggers when they happened and also how to work through them as well.
And without realizing it, over time I was building up skills at the same time.

When my father fell ill and I had to be around my sister, I didn't know if I could. But to my surprise I did pretty good and then I got to a point where I could actually talk to her as well. I could even sit with her "live" and talk and the whole time I did that I was talking to her like I have talked to others at PC. Instead of seeing her as some big bad scarey, I learned I didn't have to let that happen and I had actually "gained" ability to handle the way that PTSD kicks in and takes over. It was still a challenge for me because I really saw all her "controlling" ways and issues when I talked to her, but I opened myself up to just "observing" and learning and "accepting" verses "reacting".

I know you have had some big "dissapointments" and you have been learning "why" and you have also been slowly learning about "victim mentality" as well. That has more to do with how you "accepted' bad treatment in your past and worked around it somehow. And once you begin to understand it, it can present anger and confusion too because you begin to realize the "reality" and yes, people who abuse are "selfish" and manipulative, and often other people do bow down to them and "believe them" or empower them, will even defend them even. Well, that is "their problem now" and not yours. You are going to rise above all that.

That is what you were seeing in the conversation where you realized the tone of the other woman, who knows and works with/for your brother. And you are seeing how your brother has been handling "his problem" which was that he "lied" to you. So now you are feeling "outnumbered" and right now that has aggrivated your PTSD. Okay, now you have to take some deep breaths, that is "politics" and you are going to now work around that.

Unfortunately these "other people" are not going to get it, understand it, or give you the respect you need from them and that you genuinely struggle with PTSD and that is a real challenge for you. So, you are going to have to be the one that has to learn how to overcome this difficult situation. This is a challenge for someone who struggles with PTSD because people really "should know how hard PTSD is". But you can learn how to overcome that too, and you do have others that do understand you that you can lean on here.

What you have learned about your brother and mother is that they are the kind of people that "need to be adored" and unless they get that, they disconnect and discard. They do not know how to "empathize" or understand people who genuinely struggle, they are way too shallow for that.

My feeling is that you need them right now on some level because you are not yet in a position where you can just "break clean" and go off on your own. And while you have lots of advice to do that here, you don't have the means to be able to do it.

So because of this, you are feeling very "unsafe" and "trapped" and that is never good for people with PTSD. You "can" work around that Rose, but you have to be willing to give, even if it feels uncomfortable for you. You are going to experience other people in your life path that are like your brother and mother so you might as well practice dealing with that now.

I know you don't have a T right now, so let me share my T's advice with you. My T told me that it is hard for people with PTSD to take that leap to "self empowerment", however once they start to work on it, they slowly begin to make more gains and do even better at managing the PTSD as well.

What you are going to have to do now, is give your bother and mother what they want. Now, I know that this is hard and triggery, however, this time you will know that it is the only way to work around them. And your goal now is to find a way to get things to calm down so you can get to the next step where you can begin to look for your "out" from this situation. Rose, this is not "using" or allowing yourself to be abused either, it is doing what you need to do until you can find your way "away" from these people.

You are going to have to find a way to get your brother out of the "defensive" mode and give in to making him think you "adore" him again. And I really know that is hard, but it is all "he" is receptive to. And you will have to "pretend" that what you do now for work, is ok and you will handle it and find a way to "appreciate it". Even if you are dissappointed with what you have found out. This is "not" about you being "unworthy" Rose, either. You are going to change that, that is your goal, but you have to have a plan.

Your goal now is to get this situation back to you just working and having a job, so, that you can begin to look for another place to set up and get yourself on a path "away" from these "toxic" people.

Rose, this is exactly what my daughter had to do while she made her plans for her exit from her "toxic" boyfriend. And she is "still" having to do this and it "aint easy" but as she is making this exit she is slowling seeing some future positives coming into her path as well. And this process for her includes 'greiving" and being very brave at the same time.

This is when I wish I could be in your physical presence, because I can see that is one thing you do need. But, I am here and so are your other friends, and we all know you are smart and capable, so we are all supporting you.

So, what your goal is now is, you have to use that very smart brain and play some "politics" with it and keep reminding yourself to self sooth and give yourself permission to fend off whatever anxiety comes forward. You "will" begin to do better Rose, it is what my T keeps telling me as well, it is the leap that is hard, but once you take it, you will make "more gains" and you will teach yourself how to get stronger at doing it.

Can you think about this Rose, and work on "knowing your brother differently"? You now know what he "is" Rose, you have to now move forward with that knowlege and you can do it. And it is going to be a challenge because he feels threatened and needs to assure his position. This is no longer about love for you, it is you taking care of "you" now. Empowerment is not always about winning the way one would think either, it is about learning how to identify people and working around them inspite of it.

(((Hugs for courage))))
Open Eyes