I am ALMOST in your shoes. Not quite, but almost. I have three biological children who do not live with me and who are all (ages 19, 14, 12) extremely hostile to me, having been turned against me by the people they live with. I cared for them when they were young, I breastfed them for a long time - they do not care.

When a little baby cries, my breasts swell as if getting ready to feed that baby. I want more children on a visceral level - children whom I would raise on my own and who would be kind to me when they grow up. But I cannot - you can see my signature to figure out why. It is not that much the age thing. I have always been super super fertile, all my children were results of instant conceptions (same month), plus one abortion despite the use of a spermicide, my mother had an abortion at forty, my maternal cousin had her first child at 44 (without fertility treatments) - we apparently have late fertility in my maternal line. It is the drugs: the Lithium, the Topamax, etc. A complete no-no. And adoption is not anythig I have ever considered for myself. Like you, I need the physicial experience of growing a living human being inside my body, and adoption just does not do it for me.

The only thing that has helped is having cats. As I type, one kitty is next to me and two sit on my legs and butt (I am on my tummy as I type). Warm, fuzzy, fluffy, breathing, purring, heavy bodies of my kitties provide the touch that we as mammals crave and NEED. I should also say that they are loyal, although "loyal" is an adjective usually attached to dogs. But my cats all come out to greet me when I come home from work, and I like it. And they come share my bed when I sleep at night. I shared my bed when my children were young and I can tell you that bed-sharing with children is more pleasant than bed-sharing with cats, but bed-sharing with cats is still pretty darn good and is definitely, most definitely much much better than sleeping alone.

If you like this idea and decide to go that route, do be aware that cats need a 100% wet food diet for optimal health and longevity.