First, I'm glad for this site. My friends on Facebook would not understand. Last night I fell into a state of despair and had a mix of wanting to die or jam a knife into my arm. It felt like the universe had conspired to stop me from being happy. Logically I know that is not true and I didn't act on these feelings but wow, were they almost overwhelming. I had a few drinks so I'll concede that was a major part of the episode. I decided to lay off the sauce and talk to my doc again about meds. I nearly went to the hospital just because I wasn't sure I'd be ok. Thankfully I was with close friends. But they cannot fully understand the maelstrom that goes on in the mind. That's why I'm glad for this forum. Thanks for reading! -Jim